Friday, January 8, 2016

Chapter 14 - “Denial Allows You to Cling to a Sinful Life”

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In the last conversation, one of the messages I had written down pertained to denial. The message that had been given to me was, “if you truly know better and have broken through your denial, you should find yourself naturally wanting to gravitate to what would be the more loving rather than the more harmful approach.” I wanted to find a space to communicate with one of nature’s creatures to learn what they might have to say on this topic. So, I sat outside for a bit and asked that if an animal wanted to come forth with any wisdom on this subject, it should present itself. Then, a moth flew into my vicinity.

I find it interesting how synchronicity presents itself with its own communication. The symbolism of the moth seems to fit perfectly with this topic. According to whats-your-sign.com, the passage below is part of what the moth represents as a totem animal:
“Even at the risk of losing its life, the moth is ever-vigilant in following its path of light. This may also serve as a moral to us to keep our own vigilance, but not fall victim of blind faith. Here we see a fragile vulnerability in the moth. The moon is her mother, and she will follow her course at all cost. This makes her open to distraction, vulnerable to harm. Here we may find another message to adjust our course as our path indicates rather than drive forward without heeding important signs along the way.”
So as I sat outside on my front steps with my pen and paper in hand, I went into meditation to ask the moth for wisdom to impart to the collective of humankind.

“If you could all see what you were truly doing and how you were conditioning your minds, you would stop,” said the moth. “But the denial and need for rationalization is strong.”

“Can you explain this in more detail?” I asked.

“You have no trust,” was what I wrote down next.

“Trust in what?” I asked.

“Life,” was the answer.

“What does trusting in life have to do with being in denial?” I asked the moth.

“You have a hard time leaving the darkness and drama behind in order to be drawn to the light,” the moth replied. “It is as if you think if you let the drama go, you will not know who you are anymore. So, you are busy trying to construct who you are instead of allowing yourselves to let your constructions go.”

“I’m still not sure how denial fits into all this,” I said, wondering if I was writing down the message in correct form.

“Denial fits into all of this,” said the moth, “because you use your denial to tell you that this is not what you are doing. You need your denial to tell you that what you are doing is the more productive path. You need your denial to ignore all the warning signs that are trying to tell you otherwise.”

“Now, that part is making sense,” I said.

“Denial allows you to cling to a sinful world while telling yourselves you are not engaging in sin and depravity,” said the moth. “In the same way an individual may deny being in a dysfunctional relationship with a lover, a collective of individuals may deny that it is in a dysfunctional relationship with the greater world.

“Your denial goes very deep,” the moth continued. “All of your constructions and your rationalizations for needing to construct a dysfunctional identity are very strong. You could more easily achieve balance and find your way back to the true path, but your need to justify your excesses and addictions prevents you from letting them go.”

“We tend to see our excess as the way to be special, successful, or important,” I said.

“This is the way in which you have been taught to construct your identity,” confirmed the moth.

“But we can’t really help this,” I said. “We are all taught that this is how it is done.”

“Yes,” said the moth. “But life is trying to teach you something different now that you are all grown up. It is trying to send you a message. But this message may be met with more constructs that attempt to prove the message is a false one.”

“Many of us may connect paying attention to a warning with embracing fear,” I shared.

“The only reason you feel so much fear,” said the moth, “is because life as a whole is trying to communicate that you, as a collective, are becoming a threat to yourselves and to life’s very existence. It is communicating you are becoming even further separated from who you truly are rather than closer. In fact, in subtle and unconscious ways, you are attempting to annihilate any trace of your real ‘you’ through your behavior. This is why the world is mirroring that humanity is on a sort of suicidal path—away from truth and understanding of the Self. Denial, however, will tell you to ignore this, and to ignore life and its message, in order to keep pursuing the familiar.”

“Oh,” I said.

The message of the moth continued, “Denial tells you to ignore what has manifested from your unconsciousness in order that you can continue in your path of self-deception, mistaking what you have manufactured—and what is unnatural—as something that can be used to complete yourselves. However, how can what is manufactured or unnatural make you whole? The meaning of the words ‘manufactured’ and ‘unnatural’ imply a movement further away from your true and natural essence rather than closer.”

“In order to find our way back to our natural Self, is it necessary to become more natural within the world or just preferred?” I asked.

“The world is a mirror for how well you understand the truth of who and what you are in spirit,” said the moth. “When you find a way to connect with your true essence, you will naturally gravitate to a life that is lived more naturally and pure. This is because you will understand that what is natural and pure is all you need to complete yourself. You will understand that trying to complete yourself through something artificial would seem absurd. In fact, it is your need to construct what is unnatural, in order to call it ‘you,’ that poisons and pollutes you.”

“And I guess when a whole collective is doing it, it poisons the world, the oceans, the air, etc.,” I contributed.

“Each of these things is symbolic for an aspect of your consciousness,” said the moth. “Each is being poisoned or polluted as a way of communicating to you how and where you have accepted a belief that you need to pollute yourselves.”

“Can you give an example?” I asked.

“The waters represent the emotional realm and your intuition,” said the moth. “How many of you know how to feel your natural emotions anymore? How many of you can know your personal internal world and what it communicates in order to understand the external collective world and what it has to say about the fruits that arise from your collective feelings of insecurity, envy, greed, resentment, competition, desolation, and more?”

“I guess emotions are another thing we tend to deny,” I said.

“You can also deny and repress thoughts and memories, as well,” said the moth. “There are many ways that you can tell yourselves to ignore what you have made your reality. This includes ignoring certain thoughts or ideas in order to conform to what society, family, schools, systems, scientists, doctors, therapists, psychics, and spiritual leaders want you to think and believe.”

“It sounds like our denial can represent the ways we are controlled or attempt to control our realities,” I said.

“It is because you are denying what you truly are: a free agent. You have been taught throughout many generations and ages to deny this in order to meet societal approval,” said the moth.

“Or, not to be killed or persecuted,” I added. “In past ages, people could be killed or persecuted if they challenged something or refused to conform or agree.”

“And such persecution is still going on today,” was the message.

“Yes, I guess it is,” I said. “It’s probably another thing we prefer to deny.”

“You are afraid to truly live is all!” exclaimed the moth.

“Yes, you said that before,” I said. “I’m still not really sure what that means.”

“What it means is that you may think you are living life as a free agent when you are not really free at all,” said the moth. “You are unable to move.”

“I don’t think many of us would see it that way,” I said.

“Yes,” said the moth. “Because you move within a box you create. Having movement inside that box only gives you the illusion that you are moving. But the truth remains that you are moving within a box and have not yet acquired the courage to move beyond it.”

“To think outside the box…” I said.

“To think, dance, breathe, and live outside the box and more,” said the moth.

“Oh, I see,” I said.

The moth continued, “To begin to do this requires not only coming out of denial, but coming into who you truly are in order to overcome all fear.”

“That makes sense,” I said, “because to go outside the box, we could be killed, put in jail, or cause the collapse of the whole system if enough of us pursued such a course.”

“You are on the path of collapse regardless,” said the moth. “You are just seeking more time before you are forced to leave what is comfortable in order to try something new. You think an all or nothing answer is required when really all that is asked of you is to exert a little effort toward a new way of living that supports who you are—a way of living that allows you to more easily join with others and learn to work in unison, rather than as separate or striving to overcome the world alone.”

“Can we do anything to avoid a collapse?” I asked.

“Why would you want to avoid it?” was the question I heard as a response. “The collapse of the box—and of what you think is the truth—is needed for you to truly come to live outside of it.”

“Well, I mean, can we avoid a collapse in a way where we incur for ourselves less suffering or distress?” I asked.

“Yes,” replied the moth. “You can find ways to join in unison toward a common goal. Learn to support each other, grow together, share together, and empower one another in an interdependent way, a way that allows you to release your dependency on all that would have you only move inside a box instead of outside of one.”

This dialogue reminded me of something that the blunt psychic had said to me (who I mentioned in chapter 5). The psychic had asked me to visualize myself inside of a box with people pushing on all sides. The harder I tried to break free, he said the more pressure I felt from people trying to keep me inside. The box was just an illusion, however. It was only my feeling I had to remain within it and to conform to the demands of the dysfunctional relationships I was a part of. I guess society can function as a dysfunctional relationship on its own.

I began to visualize within my mind all the little things I could do to not only step out of the box, but to knock all of its walls down. I then felt a sense of panic arise in me at the thought of suddenly being “different” or less liked for branching off on my own path or becoming a little bolder. I would definitely need to work on this visualization more to overcome this feeling of anxiety. But I figured at least it was a good place to start. It was at least a step toward increasing my awareness.

My mind then reflected upon how I had recently read about the group called the Essenes[1] (a Jewish group that is connected to the Dead Sea scrolls). Through living in a communal way, these Essenes were able to honor lifestyles that were not dependent upon the various societal infrastructures of their day (including the monetary system). As I thought about this, it brought back to my mind everything the orb weaver spider had communicated about experimentation, taking risks, and gathering the resources and funds to “ form new communities that valued new values.” So, as part of my visualization, I began to imagine being part of a community, and how I could start putting money aside to fund that kind of ideal (such as through being able to buy land, go off-grid, or other things).

After visualizing this way for a while, I then thanked the moth for its wisdom and headed indoors.



[1] See Josephus’ account of the Essenes at  http://www.biblicalarchaeology.org/daily/biblical-artifacts/dead-sea-scrolls/josephus-on-the-essenes/

Continue to Chapter 15 >>