Friday, January 8, 2016

Chapter 16 - “You Are Always in a Relationship with Something”

geese and goslings
Geese and their goslings in my backyard
As I sat outside by the river’s edge, instead of spending my time meditating on nature, this time I had a book that I had brought outside with me. The book of choice was titled Buddha-Messiahs: Yeshu, Essene Jesus of the Gnostic Nazoreans, and I had become deeply engrossed in it—that is, until I heard a noise that caused me to look up from the page I was reading.

As I looked toward the source of the noise, I noticed a family of geese was climbing up onto the embankment nearby. Before I knew it, two other families of geese had stopped by as well. One stayed in the water while the other came onto the property, off to the right of where the first family was camping. Seeing how they were all assembled in my backyard, I went inside to get my camera so that I could take pictures.

A gosling says "hi" with mom and
dad keeping a close watch
Because of my fondness for the geese, I thought this was a perfect occasion to ask these family-oriented creatures if they had a message to relate to humanity at this time on the subject of relationships. The message from yesterday had expressed that once we mature out of needing our parents to play a parental role, we can begin to see our parents as sisters and brothers rather than in hierarchical form. This had stirred my curiosity as to what would be said about our relationships in general, including with family. So I closed my eyes to tune in for any message that the geese might wish to impart.

“Many of you are seeking too externally for love and approval,” I found myself writing down, “and because of this, many of you can end up losing yourself within your relationships, having never really been taught how to look within the self for a sense of identity and completion.”

“I see,” I said.

“In such cases,” the message continued, “romantic love may unconsciously and inappropriately be defined as a necessity of life. Making it a necessity makes you feel that you need to seek completion through an external second party. This also makes you feel dependent on needing a certain kind of approval that you perceive only a romantic love interest can give. If you do not know how to remain grounded, you can inadvertently lose yourself rather than gain yourself. You lose yourself within others’ expectations and the expectations of your relationships, particularly if you become codependent. You can then call this aspect of losing yourself an act of ‘love.’”

“That does seem true,” I affirmed. “Is there anything else we need to know on this topic?” I asked the geese.

“With those of you that tend to lose yourself when in love,” replied the geese, “the act of being loving comes to be seen as an act of self-compromise rather than self-understanding. This false definition of love can act as a catalyst for many of your emotional dilemmas and resentments. Then you may be confused why, despite trying so hard to be a loving person, that you feel so full of resentments, jealousies, or a sense of competition. Part of this is due to concepts of ownership and coming to see partners and your biological relationships in an ownership type of way. Having to own others and having them own you keeps you locked in feeling separated instead of being able to share with one another.”

“Relationships do tend to bring up a lot of emotions for us to process,” I put forth.

“True,” said the geese. “When you become distracted by the emotional dramas that you succumb to within a personal relationship, you lose the ability to see how you fit into a whole. You become blinded and unable to see beyond your personal relationships, interactions, and how you are perceived by others and society. In truth, it is not important how others and society see you right now. It is important that you see yourself and become self-aware and able to perceive your relationship to a bigger and grander whole. If you can do this while having a relationship and not losing yourself within it, this is all the better, but many of you don’t know how to do this, and so you will suffer from hurts, jealousies, resentments, as well as addictions and obsessions of all kinds, including those related to relationships or sex—which can be used to experience a high.”

“I think the whole point is that many of us want to lose ourselves,” I said. “We like feeling swept up in the high we can feel from love, and some of us even thrive off of the feelings of angst or challenge that certain types of relationships offer.”

“Yes,” said the geese. “Many of you like the feeling that you can strive for something and emerge triumphant. Some of you will even feel bored in a relationship that doesn’t offer enough challenge.”

“True,” I said.

“This is largely because so many of you feel lost when it comes to knowing your true worth and identity,” continued the message. “Due to this, you may try to prove your worth or find a sense of self through seeing yourselves through the eyes of another person. You allow your relationships to offer you a definition of ‘this is who I am in the eyes of another.’ Then you allow any feedback to shape who you ‘should’ be or ‘should not’ be when it comes to your connection to society and the world. You end up competing with all the other constructed identities that have, in some form, been judged ‘not good enough,’ as well. Your main objective is to find out where you fall in line. That is, are you better than, less than, fatter, thinner, more attractive, less attractive, etc.? Not that this is negative, but it keeps your focus upon striving in an external way to maintain an individual identity that needs to be protected from hurt, anger, and feelings of betrayal, abandonment, or loss if these self-constructed identities turn out to be ‘not good enough’ in some form.”

There was a brief pause in our conversation, and then I heard the geese further impart, “You all want to enmesh with one another while remaining competitive in spirit. It would be better for you if you were able to remain self-contained and yet unified and cooperative. For, it is your backward approach that stirs up emotions that can make you feel even more lost and inadequate. Then, with your emotions in the driver’s seat and a sense of separation telling you that you are never quite good or whole enough, it is hard for you to let go of your ego’s agenda.”

“What is our ego’s agenda?” I asked.

“Your ego’s desire to overcome a limited sense of being through increasing external efforts rather than relinquishing them,” counseled the geese. “That is, your egos insist that you must resist letting go of external attachment and control. They insist that you need your external attachments in order to feel worthy and whole. However, a feeling of wholeness can only come through centering yourself in order to find it within and through your innate and holy connection to everything living.”

Taking time to process all that I had written down, my mind began to wander onto the topic of “twin flames” and “soul mates,” wondering whether there is any truth to these ideas. I then asked the geese, “What is the truth regarding twin flames?”

“It is another concept that can lead to your self-undoing if it is misunderstood,” was the response.

“What do you mean by that?” I asked.

“When you misunderstand what is expected of you with regard to your relationships with others and the world,” answered the geese, “it keeps you locked in separation consciousness instead of actualizing a greater understanding regarding your position within the wheel of life. It teaches you that completion is to be found externally in the seeking for not just a special relationship, but a special one and only relationship that will help you to evolve yourself.”

“How will we know when we are using a concept like twin flames to hinder our becoming whole?” I asked.

“You will know if you find yourself distracted with personal drama, anxiety, depression, or obsession regarding a relationship,” was the reply. “You will know if you begin to feel unworthy or give too much significance to a relationship to the point that your realization of who you and others are internally begins to disappear.”

“Is there any truth, on a physical level, that we can belong to soul families or have contracts to have relationships with certain people when we incarnate?” I queried.

“Through making preordained contracts, the past can be recreated in the present, and a different choice can be made,” said the geese. “From these contracts, you can recreate a relationship in which you lost yourself in the past. The goal, for many of you, is to find a way not to lose yourself again.”

“It seems we, as humans, have been lost in our ideas of sex and relationships for a very long time,” I said. “I mean, it was not that long ago when women were treated in marriage as if they were slaves to men. They had few rights of their own.”

“Many of you are now learning how to transcend those kinds of expectations,” said the geese, “which is good. This is sometimes a gradual process for the soul and can take more than one incarnation.”

“So, relationships are not all bad,” I acknowledged.

“You are always in a relationship with something,” said the geese. “And what is an important goal to strive for, in evolving your consciousness, is the realization that you are not obligated to allow your relationships with individuals in the world to impair your relationship with the wholeness that can be found within the Self.”

“What about sex?” I asked. “Should we be pursuing sex without a relationship?”

“Sex is a very intimate act that involves trust,” replied the geese. “When you have sex just to use another person’s body or when you have sex where there is no relationship of trust, you again set yourselves up to experience emotions, resentments, and an egoic need for prowess or to feel attractive and desirable to others. While a relationship is not necessary for sex, you must consider what you are truly looking for and why you are engaging in it. If engaging in it out of a feeling of addiction or through responding to your ego’s agenda, then you can inadvertently cause pain to others or to your sense of self. Always seek what would bring a sense of balance and wholeness. Let go of chasing after what would only leave you feeling separated, used, using others, or abused.”

Though the geese were still present in my backyard, I was feeling it was a good place to end our dialogue. I thanked the geese for their wisdom and went inside with my cats to relax for the evening. I was not sure I knew how to master every lesson I was learning. For now, I just wanted to allow everything to simply percolate and sink in.

*Note: I moved this chapter to later in the book so the goslings in the pictures are younger than they would be october/november.

Continue to Chapter 17 >>